part two ON CIVIC ISSUES: Joan Jett-Blakk: You know what's gonna happen to City Hall this year? All the homeless people are moving into City Hall and the Presidio nico: there's about to be some major action going on ... some major action. jjb: do you know who's going to cater my announcement next week? charlie danger: the homeless. jjb: Food Not Bombs. cd: Nice. jjb: Okay? This is great. and they're gonna take over the Presidio. Not George Lucas. Fuck George Lucas. He likes space? Go in space. You know? May the Force be with You - somewhere else. Presidio belongs to the homeless. nico: but there's about to be some major action going on, just because, like, the homeless are up in arms - and they should be. jjb: they're totally supporting my campaign. it's hysterical. nico: but also, i've just heard today there's another group of people who have decided, like, if the city doesn't take over and eradicate the homeless, then they're gonna go in and eradicate the homeless themselves. jjb: that's scary. nico: no, it's frightening; frightening shit. jjb: you know what willie brown wanted to do when he first - he wanted to have those helicopters with the infrared stuff looking for people in Golden Gate Park. You know what i mean? Whatever. That was the first stupid thing he ever said. nico: and not the last. jjb: But it's terrifying that we live in a country that boasts ... all the time about how much wealth it has, yet right outside this door, there are people sleeping. That's insanity, you know. And you know, some of them are crazy, yeah, but you can do something. nico: but that's been the american dream since the american dream started. jjb: Totally. Totally. Because, well - since the American dream was created, because the American Dream really doesn't exist. You know, but that's part of it. You can't have that American dream without having some people who don't make it. And i suffer, because a couple years ago, i was in - had an owner move-in, so i've been living in hotels for the last few years, you know, so i know personally what it's like. And at 40 years old, i was furious that this happened to me, because i was working and everything, but it's very hard to go into situations - you know - when you're a black male and people are like, oh ... and i can't live with total strangers. i like to smoke dope; i like to stay up late; i'm a - you know - politically active drag queen. nico: You like being a human being. ON WILLIE BROWN'S COMPASSION FOR THE POOR: jjb: yeah, and you go to these rental - renter friend places, and they're like, no i'm sorry. you know, but the skyrocketing rents ... it's nuts; it's nuts. The city that i moved here to be a part of is gone; somebody took it - you know - and people just laugh it off; they talk about how prosperous we are, but the thing that really clenched me running for mayor this time was willie brown saying a couple weeks ago - or it was in the paper a couple weeks ago that he thought that people - in essence - that people who couldn't afford to live here maybe should move somewhere else. And, you know, willie brown had been a hero of mine for a long time. he was the most powerful black man in the country. he ran jessie jackson's first campaign; he supported gay rights in the '60s. You know. And then he said something stupid like that. I mean, i really kind of cried. i was really hurt. i've done things with him. You know. But i can't believe he would say something like that. 'Cause he's talking directly to me, you know, 'cause i'm one of those people who lives paycheck to paycheck, you know. i hate to think i'd have to leave this city. nico: but it's the whole thing like power tends to corrupt...And i don't know if willie brown still does it, but when i first moved here, willie brown - when he came into office - you could like go and talk to him. jjb: no, he said that - that's where he said this thing, 'cause the girl - it's in my article in creampuff magazine. [charlie danger picks up the latest issue of creampuff and looks for blakktalk, joan's column] the girl that writes, uh, Toad - what is it? Toad - it's right there, right there - Turd - wrong page, child - Turd-Filled Donut... cd: Turd-Filled Donut... jjb: Yes. I have the quote right here. she went to one of those saturday things and interviewed willie brown, and he said - Ivy mentioned that san francisco had become one of the most expensive cities to live in, and willie replied, i say to people who are poverty-stricken, you're better off being poverty stricken where the cost of living is not so great. Ivy told him, that would mean displacing people just because they're poor. willie answered, yeah, but you got to. somebody should have covered his mouth, 'cause what? You know, Whatever. And I - like i said, i felt the same way that i did when David Bowie gave that interview and said he was really straight. I was like [feigns hyperventilation] but - and i hadn't thought of running for mayor... nico: i think - i didn't read this article right here, but i - but, like, there was this one that ... jjb: you didn't read my article? Wrong answer. Here [hands him creampuff]. nico: but there was this - there's yours and there's one in the Guardian also. jjb: Yeah. nico: But that's riot activity right there. jjb: Yeah. nico: Not riot, but just like standing up and saying that's enough. jjb: Yeah. nico: Like that's ridiculous. Like what is going on right there? jjb: It's ridiculous. That's why I decided to run for - well, i didn't even think of it, 'cause i was thinking about my next presidential campaign, and i was talking with a couple of women that i know, and one of them said, you really should run for mayor. and i was like, i never - i forgot i could do that. You know. And everybody I've mentioned it to, they get it. People are so dissatisfied with willie brown. nico: Yeah, well, like running for mayor - yeah, i think that's great, but just standing up and putting this point right here into everybody's face and like having them like confront this ... jjb: one of my posters - i want it to be that quote ... nico: yeah, of course. jjb: just that quote on a white piece of paper, and right at the bottom, joan jett blakk for mayor. that's all you need. because i've talked - you know how many people don't know he said that? that's nuts! nico: i'm sure. ON DRAG AS ACTIVISM: jjb: and that's what i think - that's the kind of activism i like - the thing with humor that you can - and that's why drag works, because people always say, well, why do you do this in drag? if i were a black man saying this, people would not really quite listen as much as me looking like Oprah, because I look like a powerful black woman, and i look like i would look if i were president of the United States. That's how i would look. Because running for president is sort of drag anyway because you have to assume this office. You have to become the president, so i have to become the drag queen - and i never say a woman. i'm not trying to look like a woman. i don't tuck; i don't change my voice; i don't wear fake tits. i'm lucky enough to be able to take my own femininity and put it on - give her a face. and it's odd that as long as i've been doing drag - when i first started doing drag, i kind of looked like a rock-and-roll chick, but when i started doing this and i got this idea ó no, people don't - even gay people don't think i'm a drag queen at first because i don't look like one. None of it is over the top. None of it is making a mockery of women. But because i'm in drag, people listen more to what i'm saying because they're shocked. When i was campaigning for president the second time, one of the stops i made was during the United Nations party they had in New York City a couple of years ago, and i was with my friend, the filmmaker Rosa von Praunheim, and he rented a black limousine, and i had my couple of Can't-Keep-a-Secret Service agents, 'cause of course we have the Can't-Keep-a-Secret Service - and cameras, of course. Now, you know, like i said, Americans are gullible, and they see a limousine pull up, cameras, these guys get out looking all serious with glasses on, and then i get out of the car, and they think, oh my god, it's carol mosley-braun. now we were hit hard ... and it's very interesting - like i said - this kind of activism works really well in public because people are - they don't quite know what's going on. but you have to have the whole thing and - especially the Can't Keep a Secret Service, 'cause people really think something important is going on because they're so fooled by that look. And i got out of the car and i started shaking hands - Joan Jett Blakk for President, and it's very interesting because the women started leaning in, and the men start backing up, 'cause it was a drag queen, and they're like, oh shit. and one girl said, you can't be president; you a man in a dress. and i said, that's exactly the point. if you line all the presidents up, what do you have? White men. didn't they tell us that anybody could be president? Yeah. I said, well, if i'm elected, then your daughter could run next time. she said, you know, you're right; i'm gonna vote for you. [snaps] just like that. it's that easy, you know? People - not that she did, but who knows? it's a protest vote anyway, but i can say - like you said earlier - the truth. You know. I've always said that if i'm elected - since i'm running for mayor, i'll say that if i'm elected mayor of san francisco, we won't have any churches - no crosses - in san francisco, okay? if you have a church, you are moving to another state. there's supposed to be a separation of church and state. that is not so. okay? we will have totally free health care. it's insane that we don't have healh care. it's insane that i haven't been to a dentist since i was sixteen because i can't afford it. we will have sex education in - oh, fifth grade, fourth grade. i want to see kids watching porn before i'll see kids getting shot again. You know? it's nuts; it's totally nuts. and we - there's almost - sometimes you think there's almost nothing you can do. Humor works, because people get the humor, and people will understand; they'll be all, oh, that's so funny. that's why i talk about the QRA. I mean i really don't - i hope i don't ever have to shoot anybody, but it makes people laugh; it takes some of that steam off. You know. ON THE SINS OF RELIGION: jjb: You know, and i'm not one of those people that talks a hell of a lot about - you know Being Black in America, because - you know - that has its own set of problems, but you can overcome that in a lot of different ways, and i have done it by being not - first of all, being gay, i'm not really a part of the Black Community, because black people have nothing to do with homosexuality - because of Christianity. nico: Yeah. jjb: Because they're still rooted in the church. They think, it's wrong; it's wrong. And every - you know... nico: There are so many rules. jjb: Yeah, there's so many rules. Christianity is the worst evil on this planet. It's been responsible for more destruction - constantly. nico: Yeah, you're exactly right with that point, but i don't have a problem with it when - because i do love religions, you know, and i think ... jjb: or do you love spirituality? nico: i love spirituality. jjb: 'cause religion is different. nico: Yeah. jjb: I mean, i don't even believe Jesus existed. nico: You're right; you're right. but what makes people happy with their own lives when it doesn't disturb other people's lives, i think, is great. jjb: sure. it's great. but Christianity's not about that at all. nico: but no religions are really like that. jjb: Buddhism, Paganism. You know, it's not about, you know - money. Hello? Money's a religion. In this country, money is the god. nico: But, like, all religions, like at one point or another, get kind of warped. jjb: Oh, can you talk Mormons? A white salamander taught these people? nico: But like, Mormons are Christian also, you know? jjb: Yeah. nico: But, like, i'm talking about like even like Buddhism going on in Japan, you know? Things like that. jjb: But imagine what it was like, okay? You're an Erowak Indian in Venezuela, and you're hanging out on the beach, and you see these three ships coming, and you're like, what the Hell's that? And they get off the boat, and they have the huge metal things and the - you know, the huge collars and those little pointy shoes, and they say [snaps and assumes an accent], I ama Christoper Columbus, and I'ma claima dees land for Spain. They're like, What? Who are you? What the fuck ever! You know, this is a jungle, honey. Have you seen this? You know, you're not going anywhere. And they killed them all. They killed them all. You know, And then it starts to dawn on you that - like the Mayans - people didn't just disappear. They were wiped out. You know, and they're still trying to wipe out negroes. You know. And they couldn't. They multiply too damn fast. ON THE JOY OF MUSIC: jjb: You know, but almost everything in our culture has to do with - it's some squelching of somebody's - the music we love, rock 'n' roll - you know - in the 'fifties - in the early 'fifties, people were freaked out. 'Cause this meant that black music was being listened to by white kids, and they were freaked out, right? And it's all related. It's all related. Gay - you know how a lot of black activists will say that - you know- Gay rights and the struggle for Civil Rights is not the same thing? Of course it's the same thing. It's insane not to think that. It's insane to think that we have to struggle for Civil Rights. Hello? But then again, the constitution was written by racist, slave-owning, money-hungry idiots. So, you know; right there you go - and they were all men. Patriarchy is also responsible for a lot of evil ... and rock 'n' roll is one of the ways to rebel against that. I mean, i still - you know - there's such an essence in that ... there's still songs that can make me cry because they're so beautiful. You know, there's a moment in the live version of "Midnight Rambler" on Get Your Yayas Out - Rolling Stones - which was recorded, incidentally, three days before Altamont - where they slow it down, Talkin' 'bout a midnight rambler - BLAM! - and they hit this note, and you hear somebody - this is Madison Square Garden - and you hear somebody in the audience go, GOD DAMN! It's beautiful, and everytime i hear it, i get goosebumps, 'cause that's exactly - you know - that moment is wonderful. Or if you've ever heard Terence McKenna speak or Ram Dass - you know - but Terrence McKenna blows my fucking mind. Or you're at a Rave or just someplace where the music is so wonderful. That same moment happened at Liquid not long ago. On Monday night, DJ Dani was playing, and she was already kicking ass, and she played this song that everybody recognized [hums a tune] - da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da - Hall & Oates' "I Don't Go for That", which we always change to "I Don't Go for Fat", and everyone started singing, right? And it was so cool, and what she - she turned the music off, right? Everybody kept singing. And she turned the music- she blasted it black - back on - right at the right time. nico: Black on. jjb: Black on. I did say that ... didn't mean to, but i did. nico: You should. jjb: Yeah, of course I should. And people were cheering. I mean, those moments. ON THE JOY OF POLITICS: jjb: And I think you can have the same kind of joy in what people call politics. I mean - oh, that's something else i did in '92. I crashed the Democratic Convention in New York City - crashed it. Crashed it. [to charlie danger] Are you going to sleep? cd: no, just moving around [standing up]. jjb: how do you keep your socks so white? Do you buy new socks all the time? cd: i bleach. jjb: oh, God. I hate doing laundry. cd: so do i. jjb: i was gonna tell you - when i was running for mayor, we made history, because we were in the St. Patrick's Day parade in Chicago. I, in fact ... hello, do we have somebody undressing in the window over there? OH ... MY ... GOD. Totally undressing and then pulled the shades down when we looked up. Damn! Chicken! 'Cause if i saw that, i would leave the shade totally up. 'Cause part of being a voyeur is being an exhibitionist as well. But - and you know, that was the same year that everybody got beat up in Boston, you know what i mean? And we made history, and nobody knew. But when i crashed the convention, i was wearing a red, white and blue miniskirt, and of course, all the cameras were like, so are you here to support Bill Clinton? I'm like, no, i'm running against him. Now i want you to know that every camera that was within ear shot turned right around 'cause it's really boring by then. And they were like, you're running against him? Well, what does that mean? And then i start talking. I mean - you know - it's great. Besides, another thing that makes me hard - okay, the sound of a skateboard; the sound of a glass-packed muffler ... nico: a what? jjb: Glass-packed muffler, like on a '68 Chevy Imapala. You know. nico: Glass-packed? jjb: [simulates the loud revving of an automobile] VROOM VROOM. I love that sound. nico: i don't like that; it makes me nervous. jjb: I know ! ... And the sound of a camera flash - that BZZZZ-BZZZZ [simulates camera flash sound] ... nico: i like that one. yeah, i like that one. jjb: i want to invent an alarm clock that does that. nico: Yeah, and that's a great sample. jjb: Oh yeah; that's a great sample ... GZZZZZ-GZZZZZZ-GZZZZZZ-GZZZZZZZ, like fashion model things. oh, i just get like, ooooh - all giddy. And - so i know how to respond. I'm such a ham, you know. But it's very interesting when you have all these microphones and people are asking you questions about what you're gonna do and you are giving them answers, because then they start to think, oh my god, this is a joke. and of course, i was on TV with Pat Paulsen who ran for president every year and was originally on the Smothers Brothers show; and when we did this TV show, when we were introduced backstage, he was like, oh no. And i'm like, oh no, nothing. You started this. Of course I kicked his butt on TV, because you got a white man and you have a black drag queen, okay? Who are you gonna look at? And this old black woman in the audience stood up and said [simulating quavering voice of old woman], You know, I - I - I'm gonna vote for you. cd: She's talkin' to Pat? jjb: No, she was talkin' to - Talkin' to Pat? You are Sofired. missalette 7