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NEW YORK -- Cubby Control resident and Bean Tails author BK reported to these offices yesterday
that he had been found howling and disoriented on the front steps of Cubby Control in the early
morning hours of Sunday, December 15th. According to the report, BK was discovered by alleged Cubby mastermind Brian Weaver, who was awakened by BK's cries at around 5:00 AM PST. BK was promptly escorted by Mr. Weaver to his (BK's) bedroom. Not only did BK find himself bruised and disoriented upon waking; he also found himself no longer in possession of his wallet or keys. Reports indicated that in their place was a brand new jar of Pond's Skin Revitalizing Treatment. "He called me as soon as he woke up," Jol said. "He was trying to reconstruct the night. He told me about the moisturizer in his pocket. I told him he should apply it immediately." At the time the report was filed, Nico was watching an episode of the 20-hour Sci Fi channel miniseries Taken, a coincidence Jol claims to have "picked up on right away." "I sent an email to Brian Weaver last night, asking him if he thought there might have been an abduction. Brian emailed back saying he didn't see why the aliens would take BK's wallet," Jol explained. "But who knows what aliens are up to?" Jol continued. "I mean, aliens are a mystery to us. That's why we call them aliens." As of this morning, the last report filed from Cubby Control indicated that BK was still trying to piece together the events of Saturday night, which left him, in the tradition of Margot Kidder or Anne Heche, ranting on the front porch and disconnected from his own recent past. We here at JNYM wish him all the best and we pledge our full support to BK as he endeavors to get to the bottom of all this. |