The events leading up to Rhoda's divine intervention into the Cubbies' search for a candidate were remarkable indeed. It was just a few weeks ago that Huck Forest, host of the television show CubbyVision, paid an unexpected visit to the Cubbies at their home and found them in the midst of a heated discussion concerning their dissatisfaction with not only the Democratic and Republican national conventions, but with the lack of choice we Americans have in general when it comes to voting for president. When Huck suggested to the Cubbies that they find their own candidate, it was, judging by the looks on the Cubbies' faces, as if they had had one giant mutual orgasm.
The Cubbies' search for a candidate was not an easy one, though. They pounded the pavement of the Mission District, asking people on the street, appealing to the keepers of shops, and interrogating visitors from out of town if they would be interested in running for president and what they would do once elected. After an exhaustive few hours of this, the Cubbies had become tired, hungry and discouraged until their dear friend and supernal guide the Rev. Myrtle Motivation offered to lead the group in a seance in hopes of contacting the powers beyond and request that somehow their candidate be sent to them. It was not long after that that Rhoda came to Cubby Control, with Ronald Bonemaker in tow.
Upon meeting Bonemaker, it was quite evident that he was the perfect Cubby candidate for president because he seemed to share the same values as the Cubbies themselves, not to mention that he came bearing some amazing zucchini bread that the Cubbies devoured rather voraciously.
When asked how he would fix America when elected, Bonemaker responded in a manner that suggested that this was something he had been planning for years and years. He said to them:
How will I fix America? you ask. Well, it won't be easy, but it can be done. First of all, we Americans need to wake up, smell the rosebuds, and take in some deep breaths. What does that mean? That means we need to stop working so hard and relax a little. If I become president I will shorten the work week to no more than four days or twenty-five hours a week, and no one would be required to work more than six hours a day. This will give us more time to sleep, hang out with our loved ones, create art and make love--the truly important things in life.
Not surprisingly, the Cubbies, being busy artists and lovemakers themselves, and not ever getting enough sleep because of their day jobs, responded enthusiastically to this statement. Bonemaker went on to tell them:
There will be no privileged class in a cubby America, but every person will be a favorite. I know there's a lot of division right now, that it might seem to you that there's not hope to make people see differently, but I tell you, what America needs is to be educated, to be enlightened and made aware of the cubby reality. And folks, I believe that I am the man for the job. I love every one of you. I recognize every one of you as my equal, and I will dedicate my life to liberating all of us from the bounds of money and the mechanisms of the machine that keeps most of our best qualities tied up in meaningless monotony forty hours a week. I will work hard to free us all and to make this country a free land worthy of all its P.R., to that effect: a country where every man and woman will not only be encouraged to create his or her own path and march to his or her own beat and sing his or her own song and dance his or her own dance, but also to learn to see the value in everyone else's. In a cubby America, we will learn to walk in our neighbors' shoes and to love our neighbor's wife. We will tear down statues to honor people instead of putting more up. We will concentrate on the little things, the subtle nuances that make or break a day in the life of the human being, and we will open people's hearts.
When told this, the Cubbies' jaws dropped. They had never heard such awe-inspiring words--words that made them feel light-headed because they were so perfect. Where had Ronald Bonemaker been all their lives? they thought. Why hadn't he shown up sooner? Well, no use pondering these unanswerable questions; it was time to figure out how to inform the rest of the country about the man, Ronald Bonemaker.
